Luffy, NO!
by KipperCat25
Summary: A little list of things that Luffy is and is not allowed to do while aboard the Going Merry. Afterwards, a bunch of lists of things that the crew is not allowed to do. Now Complete!
1. Luffy, NO!

"Luffy, make sure you read over this list _carefully._ Got it?" Nami said.

Luffy nodded, being serious. Then he began to read the list.

"**LIST OF THINGS LUFFY IS NOT ALLOWED TO DO**

**CREATED BY THE STRAW HAT PIRATES**

**1) Sneak into the kitchen to steal food during the day.**

**2) Sneak into the kitchen to steal food during the night.**

**3) Blame all missing food on other crew members. **

**4) Eat food off of other people's plates.**

**5) Tell Sanji he's a horrible cook.**

**6) Try to take over the navigator's duties.**

**7) Try to throw Chopper over the side of the ship.**

**8) Make fun of Usopp because he has a long nose.**

**9) Pretend to cry to get what you want.**

**10) Jump overboard to see who will save you first.**

**11) Make a drum set out of the kitchen bowls and spoons."**

"Aw, but that was fun!" Luffy complained.

"Luffy, NO! Keep reading!" Nami said.

"**12) Bring a bunch of animals on board the ship and say they're your only friends.**

**13) Go to shore without anyone knowing.**

**14) Make anyone strange presents that explode.**

**15) Anything else we decide to put on here in the future."**

"Hey, that's not fair!" Luffy said. "You didn't even put all that stuff on the list yet."

"That's the idea," Nami said. "Now if we catch you doing something _else _you're not supposed to do, we can just add it to the list."

Luffy shrugged. "Whatever," he said, as he walked off to the kitchen to steal some food.

"Luffy..." Nami said, "NO!"

* * *

**I got this idea out of the blue also... not sure if I may add more in another chapter. But for now, this story is complete. **


	2. Luffy, YES!

"And here is a list of things you _are _allowed to do," Nami was saying.

"But you just _made _a list," Luffy replied.

"Yeah, but after you read that one, you went off to the kitchen to steal food, and that's breaking a bunch of rules," Nami explained. "We made this list to give you an idea of the things you _are _allowed to do."

"Oh…" he said.

"Read!"

"Ok…"

"**A LIST OF THINGS LUFFY IS ALLOWED TO DO**

**CREATED BY THE STRAW HAT PIRATES**

**1) Eat at the dinner table quietly and without stealing food.**

**2) Walk through the kitchen to see what Sanji is making without bothering him or stealing food.**

**3) Go to bed at a reasonable hour and stay in bed until the morning.**

**4) Eat a healthy amount of food for your size and weight.**

**5) Go to Chopper for medicine if you are **_**really **_**sick.**

**6) Sit in the crow's nest during watch duty quietly and perform watch duty efficiently.**

**7) Go ashore to buy things after telling someone where you will be and how long you will be gone.**

**8) Help in the kitchen after asking for permission and we agree.**

**9) Help anyone on the crew after asking permission and said person agrees.**

**10) Steer the ship after promising to steer properly, smoothly, and in the right direction.**

**11) Watch Nami make a map without talking or bothering her in any way.**

**12) Entertain yourself aboard the ship without bothering anyone or breaking anything or doing anything written on the 'No' list.**

**13) Ask for help when attempting to do something that benefits the crew, like fixing something that's broken, unless you broke it in the first place.**

**14) Clean the ship quietly and efficiently.**

**15) Whatever else we decide you're responsible enough to do and put on here."**

"But that's not a lot of things I'm allowed to do," Luffy complained.

"I know, but those are the things you're allowed to do until you get more responsible and we let you do more things. Understand?" Nami said.

"I guess…"

"Good. And if we catch you breaking any rules from now on, we'll make your 'yes' list even shorter. Got it?"

"Yeah…" Then Luffy walked away to go ask Zoro for help on what he was supposed to do about all these new rules.

* * *

**I put in a second chapter of everything that Luffy IS allowed to do because I got a lot of praise for the "NO" list and I thought that people would like a "YES" list as well. Am I right? :)**


	3. Luffy, LISTEN!

"Luffy, _listen,_" Nami said. "You haven't been following any of the rules lately, and your 'yes' list is getting shorter and shorter, so we came up with a totally different idea."

"What?" Luffy asked.

"Well, we are giving you some rules that you must abide by when there is another person on the ship with you. So, for example, if the only person on the ship is you, then you don't have to follow the rules. But if there is at least one other person, or two, or three, or—well, you get the point. But if there is someone on the ship other than you, you _must _follow these rules. Got it?"

Luffy just stared for a while, trying to comprehend Nami's speech. "…yeah?"

"Okay, good," Nami seemed relieved that she wouldn't have to explain everything twice. "Now read this list."

"Okay…"

"**LUFFY'S LISTEN LIST**

**CREATED BY THE STRAW HAT PIRATES**

**1) LISTEN to everything all of the crew members tell you.**

**2) LISTEN to Sanji when he tells you not to steal food.**

**3) LISTEN to Nami when she tells you to leave her alone.**

**4) LISTEN to Zoro when he tells you not to play with his swords.**

**5) LISTEN to Usopp when he tries to explain a battle plan to you.**

**6) LISTEN to Robin when she reminds you for the umpteenth time that she's an archeologist, not an arch doctor.**

**7) LISTEN to Brooke when he tells you his skull jokes.**

**8) LISTEN to Sanji when he tells you to leave the kitchen.**

**9) LISTEN to Zoro when he tells you it's time for watch duty.**

**10) LISTEN to yourself when your inner soul tells you something is wrong."**

"Wait…I have an inner soul?"

Nami sighed, exasperated. "Yes, Luffy, it's also known as your conscience."

"Oh…when did I get one of those?"

"When you were born."

"Oh, so it's been telling me I did something wrong ever since I ate a Devil Fruit?"

"…never mind, Luffy. Just finish reading."

**"11) LISTEN to Franky when he says he wants to build something.**

**12) LISTEN to Chopper when he tells you you're not really sick and don't need medicine.**

**13) LISTEN to Chopper when he tells you to stop making fun of him for being short.**

**14) LISTEN to Nami when she tells you to listen to her.**

**15) LISTEN to your inner dreams and achieve them without breaking the rules."**

"But I don't know _how _to do that…" Luffy whined.

"Then _learn_!" Nami exploded.

"But I need to go to school to learn…"

Nami closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "No, you don't. You can teach yourself. You taught yourself to fight, remember?"

"Nope!" Luffy grinned. "That was about, oh, ten years ago!"

Nami let out a scream of frustration. "Why can't _anything _be _easy_!" Then she stormed away.

* * *

**Note: An "Arch Doctor" is one of those foot expert people.**

**Anyway, I thought I was going to be done, with just a "yes" and a "no" list, but I thought it would be cool if I added some other chapters, one of them being a "listen" list.  
**


	4. Luffy, MANNERS!

"Why did you make _another _list?" Luffy whined.

"You've been doing pretty well with those other lists, except for one thing, and that's manners." Nami explained.

"What's manners?"

"Politeness, etiquette, posture, you know."

"Uhh…"

"Never mind! Just read the list!" Nami said, exasperated.

"Okay…"

"**LIST OF WAYS TO IMPROVE LUFFY'S MANNERS**

**CREATED BY THE STRAW HAT PIRATES**

**1) Say 'please' whenever you ask Sanji for extra food.**

**2) Say 'thank you' after he does give you more.**

**3) Say 'please' **_**before **_**you take food from the kitchen."**

"Wait….I didn't think I was _allowed _to take food from the kitchen," Luffy said, confused.

Nami face palmed. "You're not," she said, taking the paper from Luffy. "Usopp wrote that one."

She scribbled out that rule and wrote a new one in instead.

"There," she said.

"Mmmm."

"**3) Say 'please' if you want to take food from the kitchen, but Sanji must be there and agree first.**

**4) Say 'thank you' after he lets you take the food.**

**5) Say 'excuse me' after burping or farting.**

**6) Say 'excuse me' after getting in someone's way or someone is in your way.**

**7) Knock before walking in to a crew member's room.**

**8) Knock before walking in to Nami's map-making studio.**

**9) Knock before walking into the bathroom to make sure nobody is in there.**

**10) Keep your elbows off of the table when you're eating.**

**11) Tuck a napkin in the front of your shirt at restaurants.**

**12) Use the silverware, not your fingers.**

**13) Eat properly, without scarfing the food down; chew first.**

**14) Say 'please' before joining into a conversation.**

**15) Any other manners that you or we think you should do and put on here."**

After studying the list for another minute, Luffy said, "Please?"

Nami just looked at him for a minute. "Please what?"

"PLEASE?"

"Please _what_?" Nami yelled.

"You _said _to say 'please' before joining in a conversation," Luffy said, awkwardly, "And I didn't know if I was technically allowed to join in this one yet."

"Oh, Luffy," Nami said, shaking her head.

* * *

**Yeah, so PLEASE? Can I join into my own conversation? **

**...yes.  
**

**Thanks so much, self!  
**

**...you're welcome.  
**

**XD  
**


	5. Luffy, KITCHEN RULES!

"Here's another list for you, Luffy," Nami said.

"But I've been _good_," Luffy whined.

"Yeah, but Sanji made you this list anyway."

Luffy scowled. "Do I _have _to read this? I mean, _Sanji _made it."

"I know what you mean," Nami laughed. "But we edited it so that you'd be able to read it. There're no spelling or grammar mistakes now."

"Heh. Good!"

"**LIST OF RULES LUFFY MUST ABIDE BY WHILE IN THE KITCHEN**

**CREATED BY SANJI**

**EDITED BY THE STRAWHAT PIRATES**

**1) No stealing food while Sanji cannot oversee what you are taking.**

**2) No stealing food while Sanji can oversee what you are taking.**

**3) Ask first before taking any type of food or drink out of the kitchen.**

**4) No helping cook the food when Sanji doesn't want your help.**

**5) No helping cook the food when Sanji does want your help.**

**6) No helping cook the food at all.**

**7) The only time you are allowed to cook food is when the other crew members help you.**

**8) No wrecking the kitchen while Sanji is in it.**

**9) No wrecking the kitchen while Sanji isn't in it.**

**10) No going into the kitchen alone."**

"Why is this list so short?" Luffy asked.

"I don't kn—"

"I know!" Luffy interrupted, answering his own question, "Sanji just has a small brain! So, what were you saying, Nami?"

"I don't know."

"Oh, well, that's a shame you don't remember. Now, I've got to—"

"No, you idiot!" Nami yelled. "'I don't know' is what I was saying!"

"…Oh. Anyway, now I've got to go test out these rules on Sanji and see how many more he adds by the end of the day."

"Whatever," Nami said, stalking off to her cabin to make some maps.

* * *

**Heh, heh. What category should I put in next? Review and let me know!**


	6. Luffy, CLEAN!

"Nami…." Luffy sobbed. "Why do I keep getting more lists? I've been good."

"Mostly," Nami said. "But there are still some things you need to improve with."

"What's this list for?"

"Cleaning."

Luffy stuck out his tongue. "Cleaning? Blech."

"Remember, Luffy, these aren't rules, really. There just steps to follow when you're cleaning."

"So I don't have to follow these?" Luffy said, excited.

"No, you do have to follow them. But only when you're cleaning."

"Cool! I'll never clean again!"

Nami scowled. "Just read the list," she sighed.

"Okay…"

"**RULES FOR LUFFY WHEN CLEANING**

**CREATED BY THE STRAW HAT PIRATES**

**1) Always pick things off the floor so you won't trip.**

**2) Keep your doorway clear so people can get into your room easily.**

**3) Clean your room regularly to prevent buildup of trash.**

**4) Swab the deck when it's your turn.**

**5) Put things away as soon as you're done with them.**

**6) Put your dishes in the sink once you're done eating.**

**7) If you notice one of your crew members is not cleaning properly, tell them and then help them clean.**

**8) Make a chart of how often you clean your room and put a star on it every time you do it right.**

**9) Have a 'ship cleaning day' scheduled for once a month.**

**10) Don't make a big mess in the first place so you won't have to clean it up."**

"That's all?" Luffy said, surprised.

"Yeah, why?" Nami asked, suspicious.

"It seems so…simple."

"It is," Nami said. "See, now you're getting the hang of living a normal life, with a set schedule and chores and stuff."

"No, I don't think so," Luffy said. Then he threw the paper with the cleaning rules over the side and ran away.

"_Luffy!_" Nami yelled.

"Don't worry!" Luffy called. "I memorized them all!"

"You better've," Nami murmured. "Or else there's going to be trouble!"

* * *

**Heh heh...Luffy wants to be a free man, and he'll be a free man whatever it takes!**


	7. Luffy, COOKING!

Nami stopped Luffy at the entrance to the kitchen. "If you're going to help Sanji cook, you need to follow these rules," she said.

"Aw, _more _rules?" he took the paper.

"And don't you _dare _throw this one overboard." Nami growled.

Luffy swallowed nervously. "I won't."

"**LIST OF RULES FOR WHEN LUFFY COOKS**

**CREATED BY THE STRAW HAT PIRATES AND SANJI"**

"Wait a minute," Luffy said. "Why does it say 'Straw Hat Pirates _and _Sanji'? Sanji is a part of my crew, you know."

Nami sighed. "Sanji wrote that part," she said, taking the paper back from him. "And you know how he likes to give credit to himself. And he especially likes seeing his name in print." She scratched it out.

Luffy took the paper and nodded satisfactorily.

"**1) Always wear an apron.**

**2) Always wear gloves when handling ingredients.**

**3) Always listen to Sanji when he tells you what to do.**

**4) Never do anything other than what he tells you to do.**

**5) Don't eat any of the ingredients.**

**6) **_**Never **_**handle any type of dangerous instrument."**

"There are dangerous instruments used in making food?" Luffy cried.

"Yeah," Nami replied.

"Like what? A tuba?"

Nami laughed. "No, silly, he means a knife or a blender."

"Ohhhh," Luffy said. "That makes more sense."

"**7) Don't leave the kitchen when there is something on the stove.**

**8) Always make sure that the pot handles are facing the inside.**

**9) When adding an ingredient, always make sure you have the right amount by asking Sanji.**

**10) Always keep an eye on what you're cooking."**

"That's all?" Luffy asked, surprised. "I thought Sanji would have put more on there than that."

"He did," Nami answered. "But since he wrote them really bad, none of us could read it to translate."

Luffy grinned. "Oh." Then he tied on an apron, stuffed a pair of rubber gloves in the front pocket, and walked into the kitchen.

* * *

**Leaving you to draw your own conclusions yet again...what do _you_ think will happen when Sanji asks Luffy what rule he should be following and he doesn't know because it wasn't on the list?**


	8. Luffy, COMPUTER!

"What is it?" Luffy asked, staring at the strange device.

"It's a computer, Luffy," Nami replied.

"What's a computer?"

"A device that computes things for you."

Luffy reached out a hand to touch it and Nami slapped it away.

"Ow!"

"Uh uh. I made a list of rules for you when you use the computer. Some of them are for how to use it, others are for how to treat it and what it is to be used for." Nami handed him a sheet of paper.

"You made this one?" Luffy asked.

"Yes, I did. Now read it carefully." She crossed her arms.

"Okay…"

"**LIST OF COMPUTER RULES FOR LUFFY**

**CREATED BY NAMI THE NAVIGATOR**

**1) The computer is only to be used for finding information.**

**2) The keyboard is meant for typing, not as a weapon.**

**3) The mouse is to be used for controlling the pointer on the screen.**

**4) Do not use the computer without permission.**

**5) Always make sure that someone is watching you (preferably Usopp) when you do use the computer.**

**6) Don't bring food or drinks anywhere near the computer.**

**7) Do not pick up the computer.**

**8) Do not touch the computer screen.**

**9) The speakers are meant to give out sound, not to be worn as earrings.**

**10) When the buttons on the keyboard are pressed, those specific letters will appear on the screen **_**only **_**if you open the right program.**

**11) Do not take the computer outside and use it as a metal detector to search for information. (corrected loophole after rule #1)**

**12) Do not go on the computer at night, as it may hurt your eyes and make you unfit to be captain.**

**13) No, the computer will _not_ have knives sticking out of it to stab your eyes!**

**14) Don't press the on/off button on the tower repeatedly.**

**15) The tower is for putting in CDs and turning the computer on and off **_**only.**_

**16) Nami is free to add any rules she wants to this list at any time."**

"Hey! You put that on there on purpose so you wouldn't be able to lie about it," Luffy pouted.

Nami grinned. "Yup! I know just how to manipulate pirates, especially you!"

"That's not nice! I'm the _captain. _I can do whatever I want."

"No you can't. You can't swim."

"SHUT UP!" Luffy roared.

Zoro could be heard across the deck, laughing. This made Luffy laugh too.

Nami felt as if there was an inside joke she was missing out on. "Guys? What's so funny?"

Luffy knew Nami thought there was a joke, so he managed to stop laughing for a second to say, "Your hair." Then he started laughing again.

Nami said, "WHAT?" and stormed away to the bathroom to fix her "messed up" hair.

Luffy and Zoro made a run for it, knowing they shouldn't be around when Nami got back.

* * *

**mmmmm...wha-? I'm done? Cool!**

**Note: If you didn't figure it out, LUFFY said rule #16, giving Nami permission to add more rules to the list. Just wanted to make that clear.  
**


	9. Luffy, xxx CREW, MY TURN!

Nami walked up to Luffy. "Here you go," she said.

"What is it…? Oh. Another list. Lovely."

"You sound depressed," Nami said.

"Listen. I'm tired of you guys making me lists of rules all the time. I'm the captain. So from now on, you'll just have to take me the way I am and nothing more. Starting tomorrow, I will be making _you _some lists. You and the others. I'll give it to you at breakfast tomorrow." He crumpled the paper up in his fist and threw it into the sea before walking away.

Nami just stared.

Luffy turned. "What _was _that list about, anyway?"

Nami got an idea. "It was all the different ways you could sneak into the kitchen at night."

Luffy gasped. "NO! Why did I l throw that away! ARGH!"

Nami laughed.

"You were joking, weren't you." It was a statement, not a question.

Nami nodded, still laughing.

"I'll get you for that! Tomorrow morning you will wish you had never been born!" He shook his fist and disappeared into the shadows of the evening.

* * *

**Just so you know, I was originally going to do ten chapters before making Luffy get tired of it and make some lists for the rest of his crew. But ideas are hard to come by for things like this, so I started it early. I hope nobody minds. :)**


	10. CREW, My Rules!

"Okay! Everybody listen up!" Luffy stood on a chair.

"What?" Sanji asked, annoyed.

"I've made a list of rules for _you _to follow. It's not fair that I have to follow all these rules and you guys can do whatever you want. I'm the captain, so I should make the rules. I made a nice list for you guys to follow." He got down off of the chair and placed the list in the middle of the table.

Nami grabbed it. "I'll read it," she said.

"**LIST OF RULES FOR THE STRAW HAT PIRATES TO FOLLOW**

**CREATED BY LUFFY**

**1) Sanji must always have food ready to be eaten at all hours of the day.**

**2) Zoro must train only in the mornings.**

**3) Usopp must play tag with me when I want him to.**

**4) So must everyone else.**

**5) Nami must not hit people in the crew when they are idiots.**

**6) Sanji must not fight with Zoro.**

**7) Chopper is short and everyone must remember that.**

**8) Usopp must practice weapon firing everyday and then go for a swim afterwards.**

**9) Zoro must defend me in a battle situation.**

**10) I may have a pet if I want and no one is allowed to throw him overboard. (Here you go, Meat fans!)**

**11) Franky is allowed to have Cola.**

**12) Brook can play his cello whenever he wants."**

"It's a VIOLIN, Luffy!" Nami moved to hit him upside the head, but then looked at the list and death glared instead.

"**13) Nami is on watch duty every Thursday and Friday night.**

**14) Everyone else alternates watch duty except me and Zoro. We watch only when we feel like it.**

**15) Whatever else I decide to put on this list from now until I die."**

There was silence for a minute, and then complete pandemonium.

"I have to go for a swim after weapons practice? Why?" Usopp said.

"I CAN'T FIGHT WITH ZORO ANYMORE?"

"I CAN'T FIGHT WITH SANJI ANYMORE?"

"I have watch duty TWO DAYS A WEEK?" Nami said.

"I'M SHORT?"

Luffy grabbed the paper and added another rule at the bottom.

"**16) No arguments or uproars."**

Nami groaned.

Luffy spoke up. "I'll answer all your questions. Usopp, you have to take a swim because you stink of sulfur after weapons practice. Sanji, no, you can't fight with Zoro. Zoro, no, you can't fight with Sanji. Nami, yes, you have watch two days a week. Chopper, yes, you're short."

Silence.

"All rules go into effect NOW." Luffy announced.

"Man! I could've hit Luffy earlier!" Nami said.

Luffy cackled. "Coulda, woulda, shoulda," he said.

* * *

**Luffy's first list for the rest of the crew... what do you think?**


	11. Rules for ZORO

-x-x-x-The Next Morning-x-x-x-

"Everyone, listen up!" Luffy called, standing on a chair yet again. "Yesterday's rules were for the whole crew mashed into one list. From now on I'm going to be making separate lists for all of you."

Everyone groaned. Except Usopp.

"Who's first?!" Usopp squealed.

"Zoro is."

"Aw…Why me? Now I'm going to have more rules than everybody else!"

"Serves you right, mossy marimo."

"SHUT UP SANJI!"

"Sanji…" Luffy said. "Remember the rules. You're not allowed to fight with Zoro."

"Then he's not allowed to fight with me either!" Sanji pouted.

Zoro smirked. "Yes I can. The rules say 'Sanji can't fight with Zoro anymore'. It doesn't say 'Zoro can't fight with Sanji'."

Luffy thought for a minute, then grinned. "Hey! You're right!"

Zoro and Sanji face palmed.

"Just get on with it…" Zoro said.

"Fine. Here's the list." Luffy handed the list to Zoro.

"**LIST OF RULES FOR ZORO TO FOLLOW**

**CREATED BY LUFFY**

**1) Zoro may not get into fights with the cook.**

**2) Zoro may accompany the captain wherever he would like.**

**3) Zoro may not go into the kitchen for midnight snacks.**

**4) Zoro may keep one pet on the ship.**

**5) Zoro may not randomly jump over the side and leave people wondering where he went.**

**6) Zoro may not snore and fall on top of his captain at night.**

**7) Zoro may not eat any leftovers.**

**8) Zoro may exercise whenever he wants."**

"Hey….I thought I could only exercise in the mornings!" Zoro said.

Luffy looked over the list taped to the refrigerator. "Hey! You're right!" he said. Then he grabbed a pen and crossed out that rule.

Zoro mentally fist pumped. _Score! _He thought. Then he continued reading.

"**9) Zoro must support every decision made by the captain unless he feels he shouldn't or doesn't want to."**

"Bwahahahaha!" Zoro burst out laughing. "You just contradicted yourself!"

Luffy lowered his eyebrows and tilted his head to one side. "What?"

"Nevermind." Zoro said. "There's only one rule left."

"**10) Zoro can do whatever he wants on the ship as long as he doesn't break any rules."**

"Whatever," Zoro said. "Hey guys, I'm gonna go train now, since it's morning. See ya!" He left the kitchen.

Everyone just stared. "Stupid marimo," Sanji said. "That rule was disbanded."


	12. Rules for NAMI

Luffy stood. "Today Nami will get her list of rules," he announced, handing her the paper.

"Ugh, wonderful," she replied, taking the paper.

"**LIST OF RULES FOR NAMI TO FOLLOW**

**CREATED BY LUFFY**

**1) Nami may not make maps in the evenings, because that time is reserved for star-gazing.**

**2) Nami may not hit all idiots on the ship upside the head.**

**3) Nami may sneak into the kitchen for snacks, but only during the daytime.**

**4) Nami may not learn a new language and teach Robin so they can have private conversations with no one eavesdropping.**

**5) Nami may keep half a pet on the ship."**

"What the-? _Half a pet_?!" Nami exploded. She moved to hit Luffy upside the head but then thought better of it. She settled for a death glare instead.

Luffy snickered.

"SHUT UP!" Then she continued reading.

"**6) You may not eat leftovers or Sanji will be mad."**

"Wait…what's up with the change of tenses?" Nami asked.

Luffy stared, uncomprehending.

Nami sighed, exasperated. "Never mind. Someone _seriously _needs to give you a lesson in writing."

"**7) You may keep watch on the ship whenever you want, as long as you abide by the rules on the list for the whole crew.**

**8) You are not allowed to flirt with Sanji-kun.**

**9) You are not allowed to tell someone they cannot have a pet.**

**10) Remember to put out the lantern when exiting the map room."**

**FREE PASS! GET OUT OF TIME OUT FREE CARD. ONE USE ONLY."**

"What's this?" Nami asked, motioning to the bottom of the page.

"You can break one rule and not get in trouble."

"Oh, cool!"

"I DIDN'T GET ONE!" Zoro yelled.

"I thought I put one on yours…"

"WELL YOU DIDN'T!"

"Sorry…" Luffy grinned. "But you just used up yours anyway!"

Zoro's jaw dropped. "How?"

"You have to agree with every decision I make. And I made the decision that I put one on yours."

Zoro groaned.

Everyone started laughing.

Nami hit Zoro upside the head with her fist. "YOU IDIOT!" she yelled.

"And you just used yours, too, Nami," Luffy said.

Nami glowered.

* * *

**Bwahahahaha! -.-" Bet you thought that was funny...XD**


	13. Rules for USOPP

"Alright," Luffy stood. "Usopp, it's your turn to get your rules."

Usopp reached over and took the paper from Luffy, knees shaking. "I h-have to read it…out l-loud?"

Luffy sighed and tapped his foot. "Yeah." He made a waving motion with his hand that meant, "hurry it up, I haven't got all day".

Usopp gulped and looked down at the paper. It seemed so long. But he tried to swallow his fear and began reading.

"**RULES FOR USOPP TO FOLLOW**

**CREATED BY LUFFY**

**1) You can't be afraid of everything.**

**2) No making dangerous weapons."**

Usopp took a breath. "What?"

"No making dangerous weapons. You know, like ones that are defective," Luffy explained.

Usopp opened his mouth, but thought better of it and closed it again.

"**3) No stealing food from the kitchen unless it's for a good reason.**

**4) You always have to practice marksmanship every morning and at night.**

**5) No telling the crew you're sick every time we go on or near an island or marine base.**

**6) No tricking anyone on the ship unless it's April Fool's.**

**7) No chasing Chopper around the deck unless you're playing tag.**

**8) You are allowed to keep one pet aboard the ship.**

**9) Said pet must not be of the same variety that the other crew members' are.**

**10) More rules may be added."**

Usopp sighed. "Luffy, you have a _lot _to learn about grammar and the way you word things."

* * *

**Here it is...Chapter 13! I hope it was good...It's been awhile since I've wrote any of this because of my other story, Emotional Harbor. Speaking of which, I think it turned out pretty good...**


	14. Rules for SANJI

"Sanji! Here's yours!"

"My what?" Sanji asked, busy frying bacon in a pan on the stove.

"Your rule list, duh!" Luffy thrust the paper at him. The frying bacon was making him twitchy.

Sanji caught the paper just before it hit the bubbling grease. "Watch it, rubber man!"

"Sorry…" Luffy rubbed the back of his head and took a seat on the top of the table, watching the bacon cook.

Sanji sighed and read the paper out loud. As soon as he started, everyone else filtered in.

"**LIST OF RULES FOR SANJI TO FOLLOW**

**MADE BY MONKEY D. LUFFY**

**1) Sanji must make lots of extra food for me.**

**2) Sanji must not kick me out of the kitchen, and he has to let me help cook when I want to.  
**

**3) Sanji must leave extra food out at night for my kitchen raids.**

**4) You have to be able to cook and fight at the same time."**

"I can _already _do that, idiot!" Sanji yelled. "I worked at the Baratie!"

Luffy just shrugged and continued watching the bacon.

"**5) Sanji must fight with Zoro whenever Luffy wants entertainment."**

"But you already said we're not allowed to fight with each other!" Sanji threw his hands up in exasperation.

Luffy shrugged again, still watching the bacon.

"**6) Sanji must always be well rested in case of an emergency.**

**7) You must always make sure that there is enough food on the ship for a month at all times.**

**8) Sanji must always give Luffy his food first instead of the girls.**

**9) You must give Luffy the combination to the fridge every time it's changed.**

**10) You can't make fun of Zoro unless you're fighting to keep Luffy entertained.**

**11) Make a large snack of meat for me every day.**

**12) I LOVE MEAT GIMME MEAT MEATMEATMEAT!**

**13) Sanji needs to learn to write in a non-Shakespearean way.**

**14) GET OUT OF TIME-OUT FREE CARD."**

Usopp spoke up. "I didn't get one of those!"

Luffy shrugged, drool coming dripping out of the corner of his mouth from watching the bacon. "S-Sanji…"

Sanji scowled and handed Luffy a few pieces of bacon on a napkin. "The rest of my life is gonna suck," he muttered, distributing the rest of the bacon.

* * *

***Sighs* Music is such an inspiration...I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE music. *Jams out***


	15. Rules for CHOPPER

Luffy inhaled his food as usual and stood before getting more. "Chopper!" he called down the table.

"What?"

"I have your rules!"

Chopper frowned but took the paper from Luffy.

"**RULES FOR CHOPPER TO FOLLOW**

**CREATED BY CAPTAIN LUFF"**

"You spelled your own name wrong!" Chopper said.

Luffy shook his head. "No I didn't. My nickname is Luff. NOT LUFF. LOOF. But it's spelled Luff. And you say it Loof. But—"

"Okay, I get it," Chopper said, looking back down at the paper.

"**1) Chopper must give everyone medicine when they are sick.**

**2) He must also give Luff medicine when he gets a stomachache from eating too much.**

**3) Chopper is not allowed to call himself short.**

**4) He is also not allowed to say, 'That doesn't make me happy!'**

**5) Chopper must accept any toy given to him as a gift.**

**6) Chopper can switch forms whenever he wants.**

**7) Chopper must study doctorism in all of his free time in the morning only.**

**8) Chopper can't keep a pet on the ship because he already is one.**

**9) Chopper must go out and look for plants with medicine in them at every island we stop at.**

**10) I'm too lazy to think of another rule so this one is for the future.**

**GET OUT OF TIME-OUT FREE CARD"**

"Uh…" Chopper shook his head at all of the grammar mistakes Luffy had made. And "doctorism"? _Really? _He resigned himself to a boring life.

* * *

**Heh. Doctorism. The act of doctoring. XP**


	16. Rules for ROBIN

"Robin, I have made you your list," Luffy announced, handing the paper to her.

Robin smiled mysteriously and began to read. Everyone else listened intently. They wondered what kinds of rules Luffy had made for Robin, considering she never did anything wrong.

"**LIST OF RULES FOR ROBIN TO FOLLOW**

**CREATED BY LUFFY-SAN**

**1) Robin must not smile mysteriously.**

**2) She also must not sprout hands in random places to scare people.**

**3) Robin can read her archaeology and history books whenever she wants. Just not at night when she's asleep.**

**4) Robin cannot force other members of the crew to read her books.**

**5) Robin cannot use her psychic ability to know what others are thinking without permission."**

"That's all?" she asked, faking being surprised.

"Yup! You never do anything wrong, so there's really not any rules I can make for you." Luffy shoved a piece of toast in his mouth.

"Oh, my lovely Robin-chan is so perfect!" Sanji crooned.

"Shut it, love-cook," Zoro said.

Robin sighed. Her life wouldn't change much. In fact, not at all. She smiled mysteriously.

"I TOLD YOU TO STOP DOING THAT!" Luffy exploded.

Well, okay. Maybe a little.

* * *

**Sorry this one was short...You're right. It is hard to think of rules for Robin.**


	17. Rules for FRANKY

"FRANKY!" Luffy yelled.

"What? You made me my rules? SUPA!" The cyborg took the paper from Luffy.

"**LIST OF RULES FOR FRANKY TO FOLLOW**

**CREATED BY LU"**

"Lu? REALLY?"

"What? It's my nickname." Luffy took a large bit of food.

"But I thought it was Luff…"

"Nevermind that. Just read."

Franky sighed.

"**1) Franky can only drink cola when there is at least ten extra bottles on the ship.**

**2) Franky must work on repairing/improving the ship during 85% of his free time.**

**3) Franky must entertain the crew with his cyborg skills.**

**4) You have to sleep ten hours a night like everyone else.**

**5) When you're on watch duty, you have to actually watch the sea, not your cola to make sure no one steals it."**

"That's all? My list is as short as Robin's! SUPA!" Franky exclaimed.

"Oh, and…" Luffy took the paper back and scribbled a sixth rule at the bottom.

"**6) No more saying "SUPA" like a deranged monkey."**

Zoro chuckled. "Talk about use of vocabulary beyond your thought process," he muttered.

"What?" Luffy asked, seemingly having not understood a word of what Zoro had just said.

"Oh, nothing."

Luffy shrugged and resumed eating.

* * *

**Heh. Thanks to...whoever that was that gave me the idea for the sixth rule...he reviewed, and said something like, "Long live king Loof spelled Luff with the occasional use of vocabulary beyond his thought process". Thanks! :P I found that amusing.**


	18. Rules for BROOK

"Brook! Read your rules!" Luffy instructed.

"YOHOHOHOHOHO! I like rules!"

"**LIST OF RULES FOR BROOK TO FOLLOW**

**CREATED BY STRAWHAT LUFFY**

**1) No asking anyone if you can see their panties.**

**2) No laughing like a maniac (yohohohoho)**

**3) You must play music whenever I want you to.**

**4) No making skull jokes.**

**5) No eating food when you really don't need to 'cause you're dead."**

Brook just sat there, staring at the paper.

"Understand?" Luffy prompted, shoving a sunny-side up egg into his mouth.

Brook began sobbing, although no tears came out. "If I can't laugh or make jokes or eat, then what excuse do I have to LIVE?" he asked.

Luffy just sat there. "Well, your laugh is annoying, and—"

"I MEAN, I'm NOT dead! I'm alive! And you can see that! I can move!"

Luffy stared. "You still have to follow them," he said, putting a piece of toast in his mouth. "Captain's orders."

* * *

**Sorry if Brook is OOC...I don't know him that well.**


	19. Bonus Chapter: Ace

**Nani? Nani? There's a bonus chapter? No, that can't be possible! But hai, there is! Enjoy!**

* * *

There was a _thunk _outside on the deck as someone boarded the ship.

Luffy looked up. "I wonder who that could be," he said, walking outside.

Ace brushed himself off and stood up. "Hey, Luffy," he said.

"Ace!" Luffy ran up and hugged his brother.

Ace laughed and hugged him back. "Just thought I'd drop by."

Luffy's eyes lit up and he smiled. "I have something for you," he said. "Stay here."

While the other crew members came outside to greet their friend, Luffy ran inside and grabbed some paper and a pen. Sitting down at the kitchen table, he began writing hurriedly.

**RULES FOR ACE TO FOLLOW WHEN HE VISITS**

**CREATED BY LUFF LUFF**

**1) Ace must not steal all our food when he comes.**

**2) Ace must give us SOME advance warning when he comes, except on Christmas, but only if he brings presents.**

**3) Ace is my brother and no one else's.**

**4) Ace must stay at least three days whenever he visits.**

**5) Ace must play games with me whenever I want him to.**

**6) Ace must use his fire powers to entertain the crew.**

**7) When doing the above action, Ace must not burn the ship.**

Luffy huffed satisfactorily and put down his pen before running back out onto the deck. Ace was standing there, talking to Zoro.

Luffy growled and head-butted his way in between them. "Here, Ace!" He handed the paper to him and turned to Zoro. "Ace is _my _brother. Not yours." He growled.

Ace chuckled as he read over the list. "I'll make sure to follow these, little dude," he said. "But I can't be anyone else's brother. That's impossible."

Luffy sighed with relief. "Good. I was sure Zoro was gonna steal you and make you his brother."

Ace laughed. "And why did you put 'created by Luff Luff'?"

"Because. I like the sound of that. Loof Loof."

Ace ruffled his younger brother's hair and smiled. "Well, I guess I'll be staying for three days, so let's go get something to eat!" And as an afterthought, he added, "And I won't be stealing all the food, Luffy. I'll just eat what your chef cooks."

But Luffy was already in the kitchen, demanding to know ahead of time what it was that Sanji was making.


	20. Bonus Chapter: Arlong

**Bonus Chapter #2. You should be proud of me! :P**

* * *

"Arlong, you seem to have received a package in the mail," Choo said. "Choo."

"Oh, really? What is it?" Arlong was only mildly interested.

"It seems to be from…Luffy. Choo."

"Oh really?" Arlong said again. Now he was _very _interested. "Give me it."

"Yes, sir. Choo." Choo handed the package to Arlong.

Arlong ripped open the envelope and unfolded the paper. Inside was a letter from the captain, Luffy.

**RULES THAT ARLONG MUST FOLLOW NOW THAT WE HAVE DEFEATED HIM**

**CREATED BY KING OF THE PIRATES LUFFY**

**1) Arlong must stick to himself now.**

**2) He may not bother my crew or anyone else's.**

**3) He may not start a secret underground society.**

**4) He may not hire other people to do the above two things.**

**5) Arlong must walk around wearing handcuffs all the time now.**

**6) He may not talk to any of his old fishman associates.**

**7) All in all, he can't do anything except sit in a prison cell for the rest of his life.**

Arlong ripped up the paper in frustrations and threw it aside.

"I _hate _pirates!"


	21. Bonus Chapter: Shanks

**Just a note...in this story Shanks is Luffy's father. I think it's suiting, considering the plot...I guess. I don't know what I'm talking about, never mind. No, wait. SHUT UP SELF! *punches self in face multiple times* Owww...**

* * *

"SHANKS!" Luffy exclaimed, running up and giving his role model a hug. "It's been awhile since I've seen you!"

"Yes, it has! What's been going on with you, Anchor?" Shanks let go of Luffy and took a seat at the round kitchen table. He sighed tiredly.

Luffy's face turned serious. "I made you something," he announced, before running out of the room.

Luffy ran into his room and lifted up the loose floorboard. He grabbed a piece of paper that was resting among the piles of money and possessions.

Grinning, he replaced the wood and stalked down the hall like a military leader. He cleared his throat, back ramrod straight, as he reached the doorway of the kitchen. Shanks looked up, a little surprised.

"Attention, father. I have received this notice that you are to follow the instructions written on this paper."

Shanks smirked. "Alright, general Luffy." He took the paper from Luffy's hand and read it over.

**RULES FOR SHANKS TO FOLLOW**

**CREATED BY LUFFY-SAN**

**1) Shanks must do whatever Luffy tells him to.**

**2) He may not do anything other than what Luffy tells him.**

**3) If he does, he will be spanked by Blackbeard on my behalf.**

**3) And if he is spanked, he will be killed with the force of it.**

**5) And then if he is killed, I shall not have a father and I will die too.**

"Uhh…Luffy? Why are there two number threes on this list?"

Luffy's eyes widened and he collapsed on the floor.

Shanks shot up out of his seat, making the chair fly backwards. "Luffy! Are you okay?!" He knelt by his son's side.

Luffy was crying uncontrollably, his shoulder shaking.

"What's the matter?" Shanks was relieved. He thought that maybe Luffy had been stabbed or something.

"WHY?!" he wailed.

"Why what, Luffy?" Shanks rubbed Luffy's back methodically to try and calm him down.

"WHY…OH, SHANKS, WHY?!"

"Luffy…" A faint smile played around Shanks' lips. "Just spit it out…"

"WHY DID I HAVE TO MAKE A MISTAKE?!" he wailed, throwing his arms up to the heavens.

Shanks began laughing uncontrollably. He collapsed on the floor next to Luffy, clutching his stomach. "DAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Luffy thought about what he had just said and began laughing as well. The two of them rolled around on the floor for a while, unable to breathe.

A few minutes later, they calmed down enough to breathe.

Shanks sighed contentedly and wrapped his arm around Luffy's shoulders.

Luffy snuggled close and breathed in the scent of his best friend, his role model, his father.


	22. Bonus Chapter: Going Merry

Luffy plopped his pencil down on the wooden floor and sighed. He had just been feverishly writing for the past hour.

Standing up, he grabbed the paper and rushed out onto the main deck. Climbing up onto a chair, he cleared his throat.

"Going Merry! I have a present for you!" he waited a minute to make sure he got an answer before continuing.

"I have made you a list of rules for when you are at sea!" he held the paper out to the wind and began reciting from memory, dropping the paper down onto the deck.

"**LIST OF RULES FOR MERRY TO FOLLOW**

**CREATED BY LUFFY**

**1) You may not ever disobey the navigator's command.**

**2) If we are docked, you may not sail away.**

**3) When at sea and enemies come, you may not sail away and leave us to fight. You must fight too.**

**4) You may not eat all of our food.**

**5) You may definitely not swallow us and keep us hostage.**

**6) You may not be magical.**

**7) You may not break things.**

**8) You may not harm yourself.**

**9) You may not harm us.**

**10) Well, you can hurt Usopp.**

**11) But only because it's funny."**

"Luffy?" A voice shouted. "Who are you talking to?" Nami walked around the corner.

"Uhh..." Luffy jumped down and ran away. "NO ONE!"

* * *

**Yes...Luffy was talking to a boat.**


	23. Bonus Chapter: Jango

"One…two…-"

"WAAAAIT!" Luffy yelled. "WAIT!"

Jango stopped impatiently and swung his metallic silver ring around his finger. "What?" he asked impatiently.

Luffy, looking flustered, jumped in front of a dazed looking Zoro and thrust a rolled up paper at Jango's face. "Here," he announced.

Jango, faintly amused but yet curious, unrolled the paper. At the top was the heading, "**LIST OF RULES THAT JANGO (OR DJANGO, OR HOWEVER YOU SPELL YOUR NAME) MUST FOLLOW AT ALL TIMES FROM THIS POINT FORWARD" **

"Lovely," Jango said, before beginning to read.

"**1) No swinging around that harmful silver ring thing.**

**2) No hypnotizing people unless they ask to be hypnotized.**

**3) No obeying anyone except me.**

**4) No sailing aboard that miserable boat of yours.**

**5) No disobeying any of the above or below rules.**

**6) No walking backwards.**

**7) No wearing those funny looking glasses.**

**8) YOU MUST CUT OFF THAT RIDICULOUS BEARD.**

**9) You must allow yourself to be defeated in any fight where there are any *ahem* rubber limbs, swords (especially three of them), feet, slingshots, Clima-tacts, blossoming hands (or other body parts), small transforming reindeer, cyborgs, skeletons that laugh weirdly involved.**

**10) You are not allowed to exist anywhere near away from the Grand Line."**

"Now, that doesn't make any—"

"SILENCE!" Luffy yelled. "Now take that list and go! Come along, Zoro." He turned and began walking away.

Zoro stood and followed, still slightly dazed at his almost-hypnotization.

Jango sighed and looked down at the paper sadly, before noticing he was still swinging around his "dangerous silver ring thing".

"Darn it."

* * *

**Here it is! Chapter 23! Yeah yeah, it's been awhile, I know, but hey! At least it's here! And don't think I ever totally give up on any of my stories, because I don't. At least unless I say so. **


	24. Bonus Chapter: Don Krieg

Luffy bowed mockingly before handing the defeated pirate a slip of paper. "Your rules, sir." He then retreated to a safe distance in case Don Krieg decided to throw a fit or something.

"**LIST OF RULES FOR DON KRIEG TO FOLLOW NOW THAT HE IS DEFEATED**

**CREATED BY THE LUFFY PIRATES**

**1) No parading around in that big boat of yours smashing into things.**

**2) Absolutely NO threatening people.**

**3) If you do do (haha, doodoo) the above two things, you are subject to the following punishments.**

**4) Two hundred years in jail**

**5) No shooting your guns at random people for not giving you what you want.**

**6) No wearing that golden gun armor stuff.**

**7) No communicating with the higher ranked officers in your crew.**

**8) No communicating with ANYONE in your crew.**

**9) No trying to make contact with me to ask to be exempt from a rule.**

**10) Failure to follow any of the above rules will get you landed in the most heavily guarded prison in the world."**

Krieg stood there for a while, just staring at the paper. Then he inhaled sharply.

Luffy tensed and got ready to run. But if he would have run, he would've looked like an idiot.

Krieg sighed. "Okay, fine. I'll follow your stupid rules. For now." He sighed again. "It seems like you've gotten much better at grammar and writing since I've last seen you." He looked Luffy up and down. "You are dismissed."

Luffy tried hard not to laugh, but a muffled giggle still made its way out. He jumped and ran away, laughing. Nami had written that list. He had just been the deliverer.

* * *

**I'm not sure how great this chapter is, but...yeah. It's been so long since I've had time to write...that's why Christmas vacation is so great. I'm gonna try to have a Christmas OP fic up soon...so watch for it. *glares* Or else. :P**

**Oh yeah, guys. I'm thinking of changing my pen name to ThePostOffice...so I'd appreciate it if you voted on my poll to tell me what you think about it. Thanks! :)  
**


	25. Bonus Chapter: Iron Wall Pearl

"Ahem." Luffy cleared his throat.

"Oh, what is it now?" Iron Wall Pearl said, stopping his tantrum for a second. He had just gotten a nosebleed.

"I defeated you. Correct?"

"…"

"JUST ANSWER!"

"Yes…"

"Okay." Luffy's face brightened. "Here's your new rules."

"**LIST OF RULES FOR IRON WALL PEARL-IO TO FOLLOW**

**CREATED BY YOUR SUCCESSOR, KING LUFFY THE THIRD**

**1) No having tantrums.**

**2) No wearing that **_**ridiculous **_**iron armor.**

**3) You must get used to getting injured.**

**4) You must obey my every command.**

**5) You gotta get used to the sight of blood, man! You're a pirate!**

**6) *looks over previous rule* Yeah. Definitely.**

**7) Learn to use a real weapon instead of those ugly trash can lids."**

"GOT IT?"

Iron Wall Pearl began to throw another tantrum. "But I don't _wanna _listen to you!"

"You're disobeying a ruuuule," Luffy said in a sing-songy voice.

"…dang it."

**-THE END-**

* * *

**Well, here it is...the final chapter. Yes, I said the final chapter. 25 is enough, I think. Well, thanks for your support as I wrote this! I really appreciated it. And I still do. I'd also appreciate it if you recommended this story to some other users...no one new has been reading this lately. :(**

**Anyway, just because I finished this story doesn't mean that I'm done writing. _That _should be obvious. Lol. There's still plenty of other stories out there...including some of mine, that aren't finished. :)  
**

**Good luck with your writing!  
**


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